Bitchy what?

For all of you with tender ears, please cover them now. I have been told that I am an amateur bitch'er by the bitchboy himself. Evidently I don't fucking use the word fuck enough on my fucking rants and I need to be a little more fucking aggressive and use the fucking word a hella (ooo I got to use my new word!) fucking lot in order to be a master fucking bitcher. Fuck that I sound like a 'former' fucking marine!

Okay with that out of the way - I'm going to remove myself from the stress and talk about something I was thinking about in the shower today. I bet you didn't know I used to be completely jealous of the opposite sex. Would you like to know why? SNOW. How COOL is it to be able to whip it out and just piss your name in the snow!?! I would so love to do that! I mean I'd have to just drown myself in drink all the freaking time just so I could run outside to doodle! Well this morning I was in the shower, I'm staying at my neighbors while he is away. He has a power shower like me, only his has a delicious massager switch on it so of course I took full advantage. Which got me thinking maybe I'm not so jealous afterall. I mean, how cool it is that I can have an orgasm without even touching myself!?!? "LOOK MA! NO HANDS! heehee Mind you it's nothing like a good tongue lashing but it's not like I'm gonna complain or anything! ;-P~

I HATE MOVING.

I'm going to pretend to be T and have me a little bitch post.

[[INSERT BITCHING HERE]] GAWD I hate moving! I spent the ENTIRE day yesterday trying to get ready for these movers today. I never got notified which mover is coming so SOMEONE BETTER BE MOVIN ME TODAY or I can guarantee some heads are gonna roll! My neighbor is back in the states so he's letting me use his place to stay in once they pack up my bed so I dont have to get a hotel. So I had his washer/dryer going with my washer/dryer going to knock out all the clothes and I had to clean up trash/junk and fold loads pretty much all day. Got all the dishes done they have to all be in the cabinets for the movers. I got my van up to base for the PCS Valet cleaning and stopped and got a case of beer and some cokes for the movers - hoping if Im good to them they'll be good to me! heehee I finally got my ass in bed at 3:30 and am now up at 7, thanks to the Poolboy for staying up to wake me... I was so hoping I would dream I was having a nice long cigarette last night but no such luck (I quit 5 mos ago). I SO CANT WAIT TIL THIS IS OVER! Four more days... and now the excitement begins... I need to shower and get going - the landlord will be here at 8:30 and the movers at 9. ARGHHH! [[END BITCHING HERE]]

Six more days...

Would the time gods please fast forward the clocks a wee bit!? I sure could use a mind-blowing orgasm right about now. And lots and lotsa wild MonkeySex! :-) Been cleaning and dumping and stressing all day. I'm completely exhausted, I was just actually in bed all ready to zonk out when my 2 youngest devil children came bouncing into my room acting more like it was 3pm instead of 11pm. Ugh. I wasn't even supposed to have them tonight but the Warden (that would be the ex by the way) decided to go to the neighbors house, get drunk and puke his guts up. Nice huh? Looks like I'm not getting to be anytime soon, that sucks. What sucks even more is tomorrow is the last day I have to get all this shit done before Monday - that is SO not going to happen! I tried clicking my timberland's three times and chanting "I wanna go home" but no luck. AND why wasn't they spelled thay? Doesn't that make more sense??? Hmm.. I wonder if it would be considered child abuse if I shove some Nyquil down the rugrats throats?! heehee j/k AND no I'm not drinking I just get strange when I'm tarrrrd...

A fellow blogger made me a really cool button on his page -
thanks Phoenix! :-)

Last Day of Work ~ Stonehenge

Today was my last day at work - they brought a guy to me yesterday afternoon - new to the office but has been there for almost 2 weeks now and said "Here train him before you go". ARGH! So we got in a couple hours training today. Typical military!! Monday through Thursday the movers will be here packing up my household so I get to stay home and supervise them. One week from today and I'm gonna be on an 8 hour flight to Baltimore. One week from Tomorrow I'm gonna be having me some late night Wild MonkeySex (WOOHOO!). After six months of wearin down batteries - lets just say I'M PRETTY DAMN ANXIOUS!!


STONEHENGE RELOADED I watched this video clip today - this is SO awesome!! You know Stonehenge and the whole mystery on how those stones got there? Well this guy from Flint Michigan seems to have figured it out. What are ya waitin fer!?

Don't you hate that?!?

The pain!! I just had this real long blog posted and I previewed it and thought it popped up in another window and instead of hiding preview I closed out the window which made me lose everything. Yes it asked if I was sure. I never said I didn't have my blonde moments - ask T he'll tell ya!! (Can you see Florida?!)

Well to make a long blog short - I had to have a Mom to Pervert talk with son tonight. My neighbor Tina spent the night since they all had off school today. Her and Kevin are and ex-couple and they can't be around each other without fighting. Or so I thought. Today she woke up with a fucking hickie on her neck. ARGH! So evidently they are back together and I had to have a talk with her about how hickies make you look like a slut and then a talk with Kev about how giving hickies makes his girl LOOK like a slut! I told him to get with it - If you're gonna give a suck mark at least put it somewhere the parents cant see it! Then I went on to ask him if he has had sex yet - because I'm
a curious Mom and damnit if he's gonna be having sex I want that boy protected - 36 is way too young to be a grandmother! Not to mention all those filthy diseases out there...

Look over to the right sidebar - check me out huh? huh?! I've joined the ranks and am now a Mafia Chick! WOOHOO! And my Poolboy can't even be here to see it! Poor thing's laying in bed dying... on the way home from dropping off his boys he had to pull over to puke his guts up, and he hasn't stopped since. I know he's sick when he's even too sick to whine about it! I know all you men are babies when your'e sick - but this one takes the cake!! He need to wait two more weeks so I could be taking care of him. I know I get there in 12 days - but he can't get sick until I've had my way with him and I want about a 100 rounds of MonkeySex, which will probably be done by day 14 so WALA - that's the perfect time for him to get sick and for me to baby him all he wants :-) Make sure you all tell DarlingDinkyBunkyBoo (lmao that cracks me up everytime i call him that and yeah i'm in for it when he gets better and reads all this shit LOL) - tell him to quit pissin around and get his ass outta bed!!

P.S. I finally figured out the picture in a post thingy, damn that was easy!

MY FAIRY TALE

Hey I added a new link that has pics of OUR HOUSE ~ if you want to see it :-) It's still in the last stages of construction so there are still a few things that need to be done like the privacy fence isnt up, the sod isnt down, and the woodwork isn't finished being painted... but it's getting there! :-)

Okay so I was pokin around and came across that fuali.com site and did the Bold Words thing to see what it would do ~ I LAUGHED SO DAMN HARD I WAS CRYING! LOOK:

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Once upon a time there has a young STRIPPER named T. He was a HORNY NOTHING in the HAPPY forest when he met SNEAKY CLEVELAND, a run-away MAFIA MOM from the BIG Queen ANN.

T could see that SNEAKY CLEVELAND was hungry so he reached into his CONDOM and gave him his SMILING CRABS. SNEAKY CLEVELAND was thankful for T's CRABS, so he told T a very BEAUTIFUL story about Queen ANN's daughter RAVEN. How her mother, the BIG Queen ANN, kept her locked away in a BROTHEL protected by a gigantic BFC, because RAVEN was so SEXY.

T LICKED. He vowed to SNEAKY CLEVELAND the MAFIA MOM that he would save the SEXY RAVEN. He would LICK the BFC, and take RAVEN far away from her evil mother, the BIG Queen ANN, and SUCK her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a SLOPPY HURRICANE and SNEAKY CLEVELAND the MAFIA MOM began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic BFC from his story. BIG Queen ANN SLITHERED out from behind a VIBRATOR and struck T dead. In the far off BROTHEL you could hear a SLURP.

THE END.

No it's not Halloween yet!!

This goofy redhead would be me - PITA at LARGE 


I'm playing around with 'Hello' and trying to figure out the whole picture deal. So bear with me, you might see a couple different pics showing up until I can get the hang of it... before I get frustrated and start throwing things how the fuck do I get my pic above my links? GRRRR... yes, I'm growling.

How cool is this?!

I think I'm gonna pick out some of them shirts for my future Pool Boy :-)

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P.S. ~ Oh Phreddie you have a comment from the previous!! ;-)

All about the PITA...

Seeing as though I'm pretty new to this blogger thing I figured I outta try to post a little something to introduce myself. I am a chick who is currently living in Jolly Ole England. But not for long as it looks like I got a move happening here in about two weeks. I'm going to be packing up the house and kids and traveling to San Antonio, Texas. I have this Long Distance Relationship (LDR) thing going on so it can't get here fast enough... 6 months without sex SUCKS and obviously I don't mean that literally! Do you know how many damn batteries I've gone through?! I really should have bought stock in Energizer. Oh yeah, this is probably a good time to mention I can be a bit perverted at times. But honestly I was never like this until I met my GOOBER who some of you may know as T. It's all his fault!

Don't worry though, I'll have my non-perverted moments too and you'll probably hear me tell some funny stories about the kids from time to time so I'll tell you a bit about them just so you know who I'm talking about...

I have three rugrats - Kevin is 13 and he has reached the rebel stage. He's going through the typical "All take and no give with an attitude to boot" stage. He's had a rough time with the divorce though so I guess that's to be expected... Then there's my girl Kerigan. She's 9 going on 16. She loves Bratz, Boys and Makeup and not particularly in that order. One minute she can be girly girly and the next she's a tomboy. Which is probably a good thing since her 2 brothers are going to be expanding to 5. She's gonna need to be able to take em down once in a while ;-) Now Kyler, he's my 6 year old and my sweetie. He can make me laugh so hard at times, and he's also my affectionate one. He's just like me when I was a kid - he gets yelled at and he laughs. No matter what kindof trouble he is in - he smiles about it. The worst part is I was just like him so I know it's something I won't get him out of and I'm going to have to deal with those smiles for a very long time! I am also going to have 3 stepsons. With just a weekend with them I managed to get them to love me, course I got sucked in too. Paul is 9 and such a sweetie! This kid LOVES reading - probably as much as I love buying books for him... he loves sexy girls and boobies and T and I have already discussed putting a lock on Ker's door ;-) Not to mention constantly reminding those two they are going to be brother and sister soon LOL Bryce is 6 and he loves to draw pictures for me so I have quite a few plastered on my desk at work. They are all of the two of us and he tells me he loves me in all of them... Justin is 5 and the baby, he's very affectionate just like Kyler and loves to cuddle up to me. His favorite saying is "Guess what?!" Yep - life with the new Brady Bunch is definitely going to be interesting ;-)

Well I think i'm done rambling on for now... ~Raven

Family Dinner

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES"

Favorite Positions

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.
One says "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one", says the other cowboy.
"What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend on all fours, mount her from behind, and reach around and cup her breasts in your hands. Then you whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just like your sister's," and then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds..... "