The Journey:
The past year and a half we went from never in a million years EVER believing we'd have a child together, to getting the super surprise and shock of being pregnant, to actually getting excited about a baby, only to have our new dreams all blown away by a miscarriage. At this point there was no going back for me, I had already turned into the crazy lady and decided we were going to keep going and try again - on purpose. So we tried again, only to suffer another loss. One more try, only this time I had more knowledge of progesterone and baby aspirin. If I had anything to do with it, the third time was going to be the charm. I fought for my progesterone, I fought for the baby aspririn and wound up fighting for several more things. We got through that and then found out we had a 5% chance of Down Syndrome and 27% chance of Trisomy 13 and 18, he beat those odds on the amnio, and then the chance of heart disease was very high and he came through with baby EKG showing that he was 100% healthy. Then I found out I passed the gestational diabetes test but was Anemic so I went on iron pills and stool softeners. Then came SPD which is when your pelvic pain/pressure from the pelvis starting to spread early on. Ouch. But what's a little pelvis pain without severe adema? My ankles feet and toes got the worst of the swelling. Then I noticed my hands and feet itched a little but didn't think anything of it... entering the 3rd trimester I started having itching on my chest. Then my neck started itching with it - then it went to my cheeks. I wanted to scratch my chest and face off. Luckily one of my fellow birth month buddies told me about her itching with ICP or what they call Pregnancy Cholestasis. It's when your liver makes too much bile and that causes the itching. Nothing helps it except being on the meds for it and even then sometimes it doesn't help. I asked my doc to be tested, the results took a week and during that time my itching got worse - I had to fight again and begged for her to let me TRY the meds for 10 days, if it helped we would know I have it. She agreed, it helped and that following Monday my bile results came back and indeed I was positive for ICP. This is fatal to the baby so I had to go for weekly Non-Stress tests to watch him and my fetal specialists required me to get bi-weekly sonograms to keep watch on him, and induction was set for 37 weeks.
Grayden's Birth Story:
When
I went in the night before induction for my cervix gel we found out
that Squish had turned breech, so my induction was changed to a
c-section first thing in the morning. The nurse told me different
things to try, when I started to feel him move and it hurt a little I
start pushing him in a circular motion. It hurt like it felt like it
worked but still kinda felt like he wasn't down... we got the hospital
at 6am, I asked them to check the sono just in case - they prepped me
for c-section while waiting on the doctor. Doctor Eng came in and
checked me via sono and low and behold that little stinker turned head
down!! So we changed the plan from a c-section BACK to induction and started the Pitosin drip. Had a few
contractions, not a lot, so they checked me and I was dilated to 4, so
they broke my water. Little more contracting, not a ton of pain yet, they came in and put the internal fetal monitor on Squish, which turned out to be extremely important.
Another 30-45 min and the Doc shows up - says they need me to turn on
my side - that Squish's heartbeat was dropping. I turned on my left
side, it came up for a second then started to go down again, they had me
roll on my right side - same thing. My Mom, Dad and T's Mom came in
the room right at that point and before I know it Dr. Eng told me the baby's heartbeat kept
dropping and we needed to go ahead and do a c-section before it gets to the
point where it's really bad. His heartbeat was 90 - then 80. The next
second it dropped to 50 (I didn't know this until the next day) - my
family was rushed out of the room - Dr. Eng got my attention and looked directly at me and said we
need to go NOW and the look on his face told me all I needed to know and I said ok and we were off! They were
already rolling me out - T kissed me and said he loved me as we were moving and told me it
would be ok and the next second I was in the operating room - moving
over to the operating table. My first thought was they better have a
good way to keep my fatass on that skinny table! ;-) Meanwhile there was
like a code blue going on for Squish - Mom said 20 people came running
down the hall and that's when they started freaking out - the ER was a
big commotion of screams and shouts of everything going on around me
medically - the nurse told me everything that was happening which REALLY
helped calm me (if that was possible!), I was freezing and fighting
tears because I was so worried about Squish, I also felt like I was hyperventilating the adrenalyn was kicking in big time. The anesthesiologist put
an oxygen mask on my face and I'm crying and fighting it trying so hard not to, he's
telling me it's just oxygen and this whole time all I could think was JUST KNOCK ME OUT ALREADY! I already knew I was going to wake up crying and I just wanted
to be out and not so scared. They strapped my legs down, they strapped
my arms down, my body was shaking from adrenalin, being so scared, and
the OR was soooo cold. All of this happened in a matter of about 2
minutes I would guess but felt like forever. The next thing I know I was waking up - I
started crying and asked what happened and where Titus was so he could
tell me the baby was ok. He was with Grayden and I asked the nurse if
Grayden was ok - they said he was and then Kevin and Jessica came in
someone directed them to the wrong room and I was crying saying I'm ok
it's the hormones worried that he would think something was wrong - the
nurses scooted them out and then Titus came in and I started crying more
and I asked him if Squish was ok and he said yes he's ok and I could
only cry as he tried to comfort me. He told me he was so cute and
perfect. Grayden was in the Labor and Delivery room I had started off
in that morning - he was with the family. 
Titus went and got him and
brought him to me and I just barely remember meeting him for the first
time (see picture). Evidently he cried and cried until he was
given to me lol I remember telling Titus to take care of him, that I
would be ok just make sure he is ok. The rest was a blur for a bit -
He sent my Mom in and I remember her telling me how Grayden was ok and
he was perfect and she wouldn't let anyone hold him until I got to hold
him first. Gotta love your Mom! I remember having to stay in recovery,
then being wheeled to our room. We've been through so much and after
all of this he is here, he is 100% healthy, he is adorable, and he is
our little miracle who was meant to be, and that's his story.